Water Baby

Here is a long-delayed photo update.

This water baby enjoys a day in the sun!
Daddy hopes for an up-and-coming producer!
Peas in the ear, a bad dinnertime habit.
The hair, right? Daddy did it!
Just discovering his belly button.

To the New Citizen

On this day
of great celebration
of democracy and our nation's independence

Make sure you check out
the fireworks display
at the end of the aisle

all the essentials
for a perfect day with your family
are in the home and garden section

stock up on
red, white, and blue
tablecloths and ovenmitts

show your patriotism
with our flag-themed
napkins and plates

Have a fun time
and save money
at our Independence Day sale!

Chickpea Update

I am enjoying a nice afternoon off from summer school after a long morning at the doctor's office. For now, I'm seeing my regular OB and my high-risk OB on the same day. We were trying to find out the gender today but had no luck. The baby was in a certain position, quite comfortable too, and wouldn't budge to give us a peek down there. Not seeing a penis might mean something... but no one wanted to go on record with that. I guess we're still holding out hope for another boy too. We'll just have to wait another month to be sure. Believe me, if we even hint to my MIL that the baby might be a girl, a pink and purple tornado will follow. It will be a long month of speculation.

I'm almost 4 1/2 months along and everything is going fine. Morning sickness is better, ocasionally. I'm worried that I haven't gained any weight so far. I mean, hardly a pound. Since summer school started last week, I have been too busy to eat a whole lot. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? I need to eat. I'm actually heading to the Farmer's Market in a few minutes.

The biggest worry is avoiding preeclampsia as long as possible. I have every intention of being 'better' at bedrest when the time comes and have my fingers crossed for vaginal birth this time. Who knows if this is even possible while chasing after a toddler. The bedrest part, I mean. Insh'Allah.

Teaching summer school is hard too. I am teaching a ESOL class (Level 1 students who speak little to no English) for my ESOL endorsement. It's going fine, in general. It's just a lot of work. On the plus side, I've learned more Spanish in the past week than I have in my whole life. Pretty cool.

Summer Reading

Poolside or after Ishmael is asleep, I have kept up a pretty fast pace of reading. I finished Charlaine Harris' newest Sookie Stackhouse mystery Dead and Gone and Jane Austen's Persuasion in about three days respectively. I'm currently working on a sort of sequel-spin-off series of Pride and Prejudice by Pamela Aiden. Her books are told from Darcy's point of view; I'm on the 2nd book Duty and Desire.

Of course, these days, the library has always been a best friend for me. I've been checking out stacks of books since I was in kindergarten. A new way I have found for finding and reading books is downloading them on my computer. If I could get a Kindle player, which is Amazon's latest e-book toy, I think I'd be reading all the time! But the near $360 price tag is quite prohibitive. I will settle for using 4shared.com to download some free reads.

Buying books new, even at discount shops, is a rare occurence. I've even become more choosy when shopping at a thrift store! It's the economy... Instead, I usually just browse, write down titles, and hunt for free or library copies. Here are some titles I saw at Target last night that may make my library list:

An erotic twist to purling!
Is Jane Austen turning over in her grave?
What are you reading?

Water Sign

Signs it's definitely summer:
-More than one consecutive week away from school and students
-Craving homemade ice tea and my very special mango lemonade
-Wet swimsuit drying in the bathtub
-The sweet smell of sunscreen on my skin
-Inflatable baby pool waiting to be blown up

Add pregnancy to summer and:
-Lots of time at the pool
-Nutella on wheat
-Mid-afternoon naps
-After-dinner naps

For the next 45 minutes, I'm off to play mindless computer games. Then I'll see if R is awake and we can go to a matinee. How's your summer going?

Recession Proof

No job is recession proof these days. Not even mine. I got an email last week to meet with my AP about being late. Yes, that's my Achilles heel these days... being late. So, I finally met with him today. I had a feeling he would be a jerk about it, since he comes off as jerky most of the time. Mind you, I'm not late for supervising the students, just "late" for that morning prep time. But, late is late. I expected to be taken to task and possibly have some sort of reprimand put in my file. I mean, late isn't the same thing as being a bad teacher. I'm always at my duty post in the hall, working my butt off in my classes to teach kids (not just keep them busy or quiet), and going above and beyond with chess club, teaching an extra CRCT prep class, and organizing a Shakespeare group to come and perform for the school.

I was surprised to find myself crying in the meeting. I hate that. He talked about the perception others have of me as being consistently late and how it overshadows my other strengths as a teacher. So now, every morning I have to sign in with my arrival time in the front office. Ouch. I feel like I'll be wearing a scarlet L on my chest. I really hate that my being late is the only thing some people see. The AP mentioned that the "front office" staff has this perception. First, why should I care if the secretary thinks I'm late all the time? Well, the school principal is also in the front (and cc'd in the emails) and I don't want her to think that I'm always late.

If I had any excuse for being late, I'd have to say depression. I have always struggled with oversleeping associated with depression. Of course, now, I take sleeping pills too. Not that I would offer any of that as an excuse to my employer. Ugh. There's no excuse and I suck.

The World We Live In

Taking Chevron to task for reckless disregard for human health and safety

A student being stripped searched under suspicion of possessing the equivalent of two Motrin tablets

Emerging flu pandemic (?), working in a school where I've already caught at least 3 separate colds from students, and worried over exposing Ishmael to anything

Needing to find affordable, quality "toddler" program for Ishmael in the fall

Trying to eek through the last 14 school days, sanity unscathed; feeling worn out and unhappy at my job

Got my spot in the gas line usurped by self-righteous white lady - a random road-rage type incident that truly unnerved me

Experienced dead battery and flat tire just days apart

Running out of money at the end of the month

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Despite all that, Ishmael's funny little personality, his smiles and laughs, and even him getting into everything make all the worries of the world melt away.


You can't beat that.

Pass the Binoculars

I want...

to be a birdwatcher. The morning songs ease away all the half-remembered nightmares, the tug and tear of worries, and the stomach clenching of early morning traffic. I am happily surprised to spy out the songstress in the top branches, in her brown cloak.

to cook soup. I imagine coconut milk, lemongrass, basil, spongy mushrooms, and tart scallions. On a cool summer evening, tomatoes are roasted slowly with onions and peppers. I will put away the jars of spaghetti sauce and the mindless repetition of take out.

to slow the pace of life a little. I greet the morning over a cup of tea and a bowl of granola, trudging out onto the creaking back porch in my sockfeet. The sunrise wakes tiny insects and flower petals, which stir as if from a wind. The hours of the day passed at a writing table, keys clicking, ideas whirring, with the occasional breaks to sigh over a toddler's imagination.

to stop and grieve. The holes never seem to heal over, or else reopen, even if slightly, at the smallest gesture or word or thought. How many of us walk around with these wounds? The salves we adopt sting or else do nothing, while the blackness is still there - somedays eating away at my insides like a cavity and other days illuminating unspoken pain and bitterness. Then I want to stop grieving.

to laugh. Loosen the tight muscles of a frown or the deepening wrinkle in my brow. Smile when a student says something out of innocent immaturity. Laugh at the cleverness of their spring haikus. See the irony of having a flat tire after having experienced a dead battery. Make peace and happiness on purpose.

Big Behind

I seem to be behind on everything. Bills. House work. School work. Work work. And blogging too.

Spring break came and went. I thought I would be able to catch up a little, but not much really happened. I was able to install the bookshelves in the bedroom, but the boxes of books have yet to make it onto the shelves. Hmmph. Bills getting behind are the norm for me now. But it's pretty bad when you can't go to the doctor because you owe them money. I paid a few of those bills, which made me unexpectedly broke. But I have reason to go to the doctor now... hint hint... the same reason my brain is a bit foggy and I'm often too tired to do anything except take care of Baba and yearn for my bed...

I'm behind in the world of blogs, haven't read many blogs in a while. I'm going to catch up one of these days. Also, my Code Pink: Kitten Cult domain's expired and I missed the deadline, so now there's like an $80 fee. I'll have to do some PPP blogging first to justify the expense. You may be thinking that it's just a website... but it's earned me about $1000 over the last year. I hope no one snatches it up before May 1st. Or I fall behind and forget to re-buy it. So, don't get any ideas!

I'll try to catch up with everything soon.

Kiss Me

It turns out at work I can sneak onto the CafePress website to browse, but I can't buy anything because I get blocked. Alas, my monetary good sense may kick in when I'm at home anyway, so I may not make any purchases. But I really want to get Baba a onesie that says "Daddy's Little Kimchi." I also wouldn't mind a shirt for me that says "1/2 Korean is Better than None" or one for Rahim that says "I Love My Korean Wife." CafePress is funny. I started surfing because I wish I had a button that said "Kiss Me I'm Korean." St. Patty's day and all.